Seriously though. Thinking too much has become detrimental to my well being.
Though I don’t have much free time on my hands, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking whilst carrying out my responsibilities. Though, I’m not sure if you call standing around an empty mall while being bored with nothing to do except DUST a responsibility. Looks like I’ll be having lots of thinking time at work for a while.
If these thoughts were positive, I’d be fine. But they’ve been turning into what I know is bad for me. Some of these thoughts flow into each other and it sorta goes as follows:
- should I quit my job? I need more time for things like school and relationships (friends and otherwise)
- should I re-start a relationship with an ex? (that I broke up with)
- or should I try going out on a limb and asking this new girl I met out?
- perhaps I shouldn’t bother with either because I need to focus on school
- will I even be successful in my career choice? I have nothing noteworthy to put into my portfolio at this time
- why can’t I find the time to make worthwhile artwork when all my friends can? Do I just suck as an artist?
I suppose these are just normal questions and are one of those “coming-of-age” adulthood things. Perhaps I’m stressing about all those —and other subjects that are much darker than I would like talking about here— too much.
Perhaps I should get back into writing again. Songs, poetry, prose, fiction, and otherwise. Though I guess that’s what I’m doing here in a sense. Though at this point, maybe one person will see this since I’ve just begun my tumblr career so-to-speak.
I’m going to stop writing now, the bad thoughts are coming back and I’m going to take my fingers away from the keys before my darker thoughts start bleeding into webspace.
I don’t know why people tell me that I’m interesting.
I’m not really…
I can’t start conversations, and the stuff I talk about is always the same.
Yet lately people have told me how interesting of a person I am. I really don’t feel like that.
Am I alone in feeling like this ever?
Or do other people feel like that, too?
Did you click that? Ok. Maybe not. But, on that note, I totally got Rick-Rolled on my lunch break today. Stupid mall music.
It seems so strange that every time everything seems to be falling in to place at the very last second it all crashes in a massive catastrophic mess that makes it seem like the entire situation was going at a thousand miles an hour. Run-on sentences aside, things seem to do that for me. Hence this blog I suppose.
Things will almost happen to me. Through various stories I tell it seems that things almost happen in each of them, but never fully come to fruition. I’ll make plans, only to have them not follow through completely. I didn’t even notice the correlation to these almost happenings for the most awesome things in my life, until one of my friends said one day, “From now I’m gonna call you Almeck.” And when I asked him what he meant, he mentioned that it was from the movie Apocalypto, in which the main character Jaguar-Paw is renamed “Almeck” meaning “almost.” So my friend came up with that nickname so that whenever I said something that was an almost story, even without me realizing it, he would just laugh and say Almeck. This started about 6 months ago or so. But I can relate this throughout my life.
If you’ve ever seen “How I Met Your Mother,” I feel it’s much like “the Blitz” curse. Tonight, is one of those nights.